HIV Stalks Bodies Like Mine: An Autoethnography of Self-Disclosure, Stigmatized Identity, and (In)Visibility in Queer Lived Experience

Author

Steven Ryder, University of South Florida

Graduation Year

2023

Document Type

Dissertation

Degree

Ph.D.

Degree Name

Doctor of Philosophy (Ph.D.)

Degree Granting Department

Communication

Major Professor

Keith P. Berry, Ph.D.

Committee Member

Arthur P. Bochner, Ph.D.

Committee Member

Carolyn S. Ellis, Ph.D.

Committee Member

Nancy S. Romero-Daza, Ph.D.

Keywords

AIDS, disability, health communication, narrative, privacy, stigma

Abstract

This dissertation examines self-disclosure of Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) status within the context of communication between long-standing friends. For the purposes of my study, I define this type of friendship as those who have known me for at least two years and with whom I communicate regularly. These are friends who tend to know a variety of personal details about me, ranging from superficial to private and trivial to essential. I use autoethnography to ground the study in my lived experience. By doing so, I present intimate accounts of my communication with others across my lifespan to function as background for disclosures I make in the present. My aim is to answer two questions: a) what does it mean relationally to disclose one’s HIV status to people who are long-standing friends; and, b) what do these conversations demonstrate about self-disclosure amid the tension of stigmatized identity, the perpetuation of silence, unhealthy rituals of relational communication, and diminished visibility for people living with HIV (PLHIV) and illness? These questions underscore the importance, complexity, and dimensions of disclosure as a moral duty, a social responsibility, and the consequences of interactions that entail non-disclosure in everyday life. As I write “through” disclosure, these questions guide but will not limit my inquiry. I remain aware that disclosure remains complex, and that the context of disclosure is organic and subject to change over time and relative to the given writer and story. Finally, I write this dissertation from a place of privilege owed to my body, its geographical location, socio-economic status, and legal standing because others, especially those who live with HIV, too often cannot.

Scholar Commons Citation

Ryder, Steven, "HIV Stalks Bodies Like Mine: An Autoethnography of Self-Disclosure, Stigmatized Identity, and (In)Visibility in Queer Lived Experience" (2023). USF Tampa Graduate Theses and Dissertations.
https://digitalcommons.usf.edu/etd/9923