Graduation Year


Document Type




Degree Granting Department


Major Professor

Rita Ciresi, M.F.A.

Committee Member

John H. Fleming, Ph.D.

Committee Member

Rosalie A. Baum, Ph.D.


romance, women, solitude, friendship, sex


They Shoot Single People, Don't They? is a romantic comedy of errors set in Boston about Lexie, a twenty-five year old pediatric nurse with still perky breasts and lightly dimpled thighs who can figure out pediatric drug dosages, but is so severely relationship-challenged that she can't make any choice at all when it comes to men. Her life becomes a convoluted mess that includes two guys and a tangled web of lies.

After Marcus dumps her with a post-it note taped to her refrigerator door, Lexie thinks that her five-year plan to get married and have a baby are back in the crapper. She'd do anything to have ex-boyfriend's tongue back in her ear; that is, until the chain breaks in her toilet tank and handyman Duncan comes into her life. When alpha-dog Marcus reappears to reclaim Lexie, she's thrown into a tailspin and doesn't know which guy to choose. She finds herself up a tree and in a dumpster, and on one memorable night, she's standing on a toilet seat to discover whether Marcus is boinking her father's hot new babe in a stall at the Charles Hotel. Lexie lets herself get caught in a tangled web of lies. She leads Duncan to believe that Marcus is her brother and lets Marcus think that Duncan's just the guy who fixed her plumbing.

They Shoot Single People, Don't They? is a novel that uncovers the insecurities of Lexie, a successful single woman, who equates personal satisfaction with being in a meaningful relationship. The book focuses on the lighter side of Lexie's pursuit, her frustrations of waiting for her real life to begin, and her awareness by novel's end that Marcus does not define her. She discovers that Duncan is the guy she wants. She's no longer worried about her five-year plan or worried that someone will shoot her just because she's single. Lexie doesn't know if Duncan is forever and ever, but she's pretty sure that he's the right guy for now.